Dry January (DJ) – Day 6.

Is this Menopause, or abstinence I ask myself?

I have never thought that I had a problem with drink but now I am not so sure. I wasn’t dependent on it, after all, I regularly take days off. However, I am definitely a habitual drinker. It goes with, stressful days at work, family events, happy times, sad times and all the other emotional reasons we use for eating or drinking too much. It’s a habit, a couple of glasses of vino collapse to help de-clutter the mind, or to celebrate.

Sometimes two glasses would turn into two bottles, depending on the partner in crime or the event. I have always had an addictive personality and I feel that alcohol, in my hands, could be a potential mine field. Whatever I do, I tend to do to excess, thank the Lord that I didn’t dabble with hard drugs; I would probably be pushing up Daisies now.

….. So I decided to attempt ‘Dry January’ with one concession, I always have a New Year Meal with my Brother and Sister-in-law and as it was pre-planned I had a few tipples. I regretted it after as I felt that, even though I had made the decision prior to DJ and had already decided I would imbibe, I felt as though I had cheated. Onward and upward…..

When I had gotten over the guilt trip, I carried on with DJ and I have to say, that I am not finding it at all difficult. The detoxification on the other hand, is a different thing as I am unsure what the symptoms are, Menopause, or Alcohol Detox as they are very similar.

Things to remember, when we attempt DJ.

Firstly, there is the whole ritual that we go through when we want to partake of a few, well-earned Vino Collapso. We plan (sub-consciously) to take part in this ritual, planning the day around going to the Super-Market, under the pretence of buying Bread and Milk and then we find ourselves in the dreaded ‘Alcohol Aisle’. Supermarkets always place this aisle near the end of all the aisles, as by then we are sufficiently relaxed to browse.

We scan…..first for the bargains (I always look for half price). Then we look for posh labels we can afford, the secret is to look as though you know your wines and that you are a regular connoisseur of all things made from Grapes with a hint of Melon and Courgette.

You eye up the bottles, take one off the shelf, caress the neck….. “Oh how I have missed you since last night” you think as you drool……….

I try to be sensible; I look for Wines under 12% Volume as they won’t give me a headache (really?). I find a nice Chilean Merlot 11.5% Volume and say under my breath “that can’t do me any harm” ….. So I buy two bottles …… Well, it is cheap! I do not have a drink problem!

We get to checkout and the girl casts you a sly glance amidst the beeps… you shuffle your feet and explain, “I have to buy it when it’s this cheap, you never know who may call in for a drink, especially over Christmas”. All the while you know she is thinking, “She’s been in here every day for a fortnight and bought alcohol”
When you get home, you nonchalantly prepare the dinner, eat the dinner and wait patiently for 8 o clock, as if it is the hour when it doesn’t matter how much you drink as it is civilised to drink after 8 … “Oh – and her down the road is on the booze at 6pm every day, how common is she… bloody old soak!”

Come on… own up how many of you talk about other people’s drinking habits, when yours are probably worse but because you have a nice car and can afford a half price bottle of Barolo, its ok….. “Not like her and her 2 Litres of cheap White Cider”….. Oh, I can hear myself now and if you listen to yourselves hard enough you will probably hear the same. We are somewhat hypocritical at times, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Back to the Symptoms….

Up to now the last six days have brought feelings of satisfaction that I have abstained for almost a week. Feelings of dread, in that I have now committed to go for it, even though I won’t be able to have a drink with my Indian the next time I go out and nervousness that I may fail and that is unthinkable, after all its 31 days! How hard can it be?

Similarities to Menopause include, sweating, itching, shivering, amnesia, peeing like a Racehorse, insomnia and opening your mouth to speak only to have completely lost the words.

If you look up the symptoms for Menopause and/or Alcohol Detoxification they are almost identical, so now I have no idea whether I am an Alcoholic Granny with a penchant for Barolo, or a Menopausal Granny with about 5 more years of hormonal hell left to suffer.

Either way, I am determined to be dry for the rest of January, even if it means buying a large stash of Tena Lady and sticking them over the open ends of my wine bottles.

Happy New Year …. Granny

So it’s the first day of a squeaky clean new year! Without making resolutions I can’t keep, I am going to spend the next 5 days eating all the crap out of my house. This is so that when I get back to normal next week and back to work, I can look forward to some normal eating habits and far less sweet, sticky stodge.

For the life of me, I cannot understand why I turn into a sweet-aholic during December? It seems that December 1st triggers some primitive longing to eat all manner of things, most of them sweet? I am normally not drawn to sweet stuff at all; I like salty snacks, crisps, savouries of all shapes and flavours … not sweets! I hate the after taste of sweet things and the furry feeling it leaves on your teeth. I very rarely eat a dessert; I always have a spicy starter and black coffee for afters. So why does December do this to me?

I also like a tipple and I admit, I like alcohol far too much, to the point of it becoming dangerous to my health. So January, is always the month to abstain for a few weeks, or at least not to drink on a school night, which is another thing I do far too freely in December. Why? Dark nights, dark mornings, cold, wet weather? Or aggressive marketing by supermarkets offering booze at rock-bottom prices?

Christmas is supposed to be a time of rest, relaxation, recuperation after a busy time at work and home. For me, it starts at the beginning of December, the office trees go up, Secret Santa is planned, Christmas lunch is paid for (and I have three Xmas lunches) and all this activity triggers the over indulgence. So I have a full month of excess and rushing around preparing, which in turn leads me to buy crap…stuff that I would never buy at any other time.

The pinnacle of our family Crimbo, is our house party, it takes me ages to prepare, we do games e.g. Hook the Bauble and a Quiz, Charades and generally get rat-arsed on yet more booze, some of mine, some brought by family… and we eat yet more crap! It is a tradition now though and I love having everyone around. It is the only time of the year that my family all come together from the eldest to the youngest and it always goes well.

So the point of this rambling is that after my final Christmas blow out (at my brothers) on Friday, I am looking forward to eating normal (healthy) food, drinking less and walking more. Hopefully you will be seeing less of me, as I try and drop a few dress sizes during January! Happy New Year one and all ……………… Granny

Good afternoon…Granny calling. Would you Adam and Eve it, I have been married three weeks already!

We had a great day and the sun actually shone throughout the entire event. This is pretty amazing bearing in mind that in Wales, we are currently experiencing the wettest weather on record with flood warnings, gale force winds and thunder storms.

During the day I was quite calm; My Grand-daughter and I had our hair done, by my lovely friend, who came to the house. I was supported by my eldest Grandson who gave me away; another Grandson was the ring bearer. My only Grand-daughter was a stunning flower girl and the two youngest Grandsons took photographs and I was really proud of all five of them. They behaved impeccably.

The ceremony was really nice, informal, family orientated and a really happy occasion and afterwards we walked around the grounds of Bedwellty House having our pictures taken in glorious sunshine. It was lovely and it all went off without a hitch.

The evening was also lovely. A hundred and twenty people, family and friends turned up to celebrate with us and although we told everyone we did not need gifts (we have lived in our home for 12 years) people were very generous and we were showered with gifts, money, vouchers and even a three night stay in a Graz Hotel, Austria from the hubbies Austrian relatives…WOW!

On Sunday, we had lots of visitors who called in to say goodbye before returning home to places all over the UK and we ate cake, drank copious amounts of filter coffee and discussed the previous days event…it was the perfect end to the perfect wedding as far as we were concerned.

Suddenly everyone was gone, we closed the door on the last of our visitors at 4pm and both me and the fella flopped onto the sofa and sighed…what a whirlwind, within ten minutes we were both dozing…absolutely shattered and definitely feeling our age!
Monday was manic, as we had spent so much time planning and preparing for the wedding that we had not prepared at all for our honeymoon in Majorca. We were leaving home at 2am Tuesday morning, so we had about 12 hours to pack and make sure everything was in order to go. Go we did and at 6am on the 22nd of May we jetted off for a lovely week in the sun.

The honeymoon was fantastic and we took my Cuz and her hubby with us (separate rooms of course). We were really glad of the company and it was nice to be able to share some time with people who are very dear to us both. We hired a car and toured the island; we ate, drank and swam in the sea. We also, (Cuz and me), shared the mandatory Spanish stomach bug. Thankfully it only lasted 24 hours and the boys escaped the projectile vomiting, diarrhoea and high temperature. Nasty and I never want to experience that again!

I returned home full of bronchitis caused by the air conditioning and being asthmatic, three weeks on I am still struggling to breathe and I sound like an asthmatic pit pony and I cough like a 60 fags a day miner!

Other than that though, everything in the garden is rosy. Me and the fella are as happy as pigs in muck. My children and all the family are over the moon about it and with the money given as gifts, we are going to buy a brand new bed…happy days…I would recommend getting married to anyone! …. Oh, and by the way…… Chelsea also won the Champions league which made it an extra special day for my Chelsea mad Hubby ….. Bye for now Granny 

Three days to go before I get married for the third time. I know “you must be mad” I hear you cry! This time I know it will be good. I know this man better than I know my own children!

I am surprisingly calm – or so I thought. Everything’s bought and paid for, the cars are organised, I have my frock, the buffet is booked as is the entertainment and I have two pairs of shoes, just in case and everything in the garden is rosy. Until I go to sleep that is.

Now sleep for me, is a loose term to describe what happens to a menopausal 53 year old, who is overweight (or under-tall depending on your way of looking at things), when she turns in for the night. As I have blogged before about my menopausal madness I won’t bore you with the detail, you can search for related posts. It is not really sleep in the true sense of the word though.

While I am seemingly calm, my sub-conscious is wreaking havoc with my sleep patterns and I keep waking frequently thinking I have missed the wedding because I have not booked the cars, or I can’t find my dress or the latest because I fell asleep on the beach and woke up at 5.45 when I was supposed to be there at 4.00pm! All this in between flushes, chills and frequent trips to the loo…I have already got my luggage for the Funny-moon, the bags are under my eyes!

I have been awake at 04.00 for the past three nights and I counted the hours of sleep I have had in the last three days… 12 hours of broken sleep this is not good and my memory is now shot to pieces? Who am I? Who am I marrying? What honeymoon?

I have to work up until Thursday and I have Friday off, one day before the wedding for last minute running around. I’m sure it will all be ok on the day but I just wish I could sleep so that I look half human on the photographs…keep calm and carry on….Granny!

In the land of Soggy-Boggy
Where the soggy boys are born
Lived a soggy boy called Yoggi
And his soggy dog called Bjorn

When it rained in Soggy-Boggy
All the people rushed outside
For they loved the rain in Soggy
And with tears of joy they cried

One day when it was foggy
In a heavy shower of rain
Young Yoggi and his doggy
Went out walking in the rain

In the streets of Soggy-Boggy
Where the puddles quickly spread
They ate their soggy picnic
Made of soggy jam and bread

Onward into Boggy Wood
The soggy boy and dog did roam
They sploshed around in mud
Till they were wet enough for home

So back to Soggy-Boggy
Went the soggy boy and dog
Leaving trails on mud behind them
From the paddling in the bog

They reached the soggy cottage
Where the soggy boy was born
And Yoggi and his doggy
Let out a Soggy-Boggy yawn

They drank their soggy cocoa
And they dunked their soggy bread
Then Bjorn and soggy Yoggi
Made their soggy way to bed

They dreamt of mud and puddles
As they curled up snug and tight
They snoozed and snored contented
As they slept throughout the night

Granny – 2012

They eat with their mouths full, they talk of religion and politics, with their elbows firmly on the table. They drink too much wine and even spill some. Eyes bigger than bellies you think…and then they shock you by clearing their plates and asking for seconds.

You talk about recent events and they turn ot into something from their past, the ‘good old days’ they see them through rose tinted spectacles and say how much better things were ‘back then’. Memories clouded by the passing years and now immortalised as crystals of a bygone life. They become emotional and sniff back tears as they talk of absent friends and family, either dead or overseas……they become sleepy…..”time we were leaving then, thanks for a lovely meal”

They eat, they drink,
They drink. they think,
They think, they sigh,
They sigh, they cry,
They cry and by and by they are happy

Granny – January 2012

The sky is white like milk in contrast to the black spikes of the pine trees along the top of the hill. No sun, hardly any wind. The cold is hanging in the air, manifesting itself as white ghosts escaping from the mouths of children playing.

This landscape has changed dramatically since my childhood. Back then, all along the valley, huge heaps of slag topped almost every hillside. The air was sometimes thick with black dust, you could taste it, “black gold” my Dad would say…..

Coal, it was the blood in the veins that were the South Wales valleys. It sustained the people, took the breath from the lungs of the miners and every so often, caused tragic accidents that wiped out the menfolk of whole communities.
Nowadays the coal has gone and as I look around me, it is difficult to remember the coal buckets which crossed from the pit on one side of the valley to the tip on the other, where the bucket would drop its black waste 24 hours of every day.

The slag heaps have now taken on a green mantle of mosses and weeds; skinny trees are sprouting from the ground like cocktail sticks and birds are singing as they perch precariously on needle thin branches.In the valley the Ebbw River, which is actually little more than a brook in my part of the valley, now runs clean and babbles its way down the valley to eventually join the Usk River and further on, flowing into the Severn Estuary. When I was a child it often ran black as the slurry pools overflowed in the rain and spewed into the river. There were never any fish then.

Recently, Otters have been spotted and children are often found fishing on its banks or paddling in the shallows. The quality of air in the valleys bears no comparison to the air when I was a child and hopefully we have seen the last of the mines which scarred the valleys and caused so many men to suffer chest problems, locally referred to as “the dust” (pneumoconiosis).

When I was eight years old my Grandad said “one day these valleys will be green again”….Grandad was right, pity the dust killed him before he could see it …..Granny

As we are coming up to twelfth night…….I thought I’d reflect on the last couple of weeks and share my thoughts with you all…sing along if you feel the urge!

On the 1st day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Some baubles and an artificial tree

On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love sent to me
2 Value Crackers with Some baubles and an artificial tree

On the 3rd day of Christmas my true love sent to me
3 stuffed birds
2 Value Crackers, Some baubles and an artificial tree

On the 4th day of Christmas my true love sent to me
4 hot flushes
3 stuffed birds
2 Value Crackers and Some baubles and an artificial tree

On the 5th day of Christmas my true love sent to me
5 Noisy Kids (grandchildren)
4 hot flushes
3 stuffed birds
2 Value Crackers and Some baubles and an artificial tree

On the 6th day of Christmas my true love sent to me
6 loads of washing
5 Noisy Kids (grandchildren)
4 hot flushes
3 stuffed birds
2 Value Crackers and Some baubles and an artificial tree

On the 7th day of Christmas my true love sent to me
7 poopers partying
6 loads of washing
5 Noisy Kids (grandchildren)
4 hot flushes
3 birds stuffed
2 Value Crackers and Some baubles and an artificial tree

On the 8th day of Christmas my true love sent to me
8 KY Jellies
7 poopers partying
6 loads of washing
5 Noisy Kids (grandchildren)
4 hot flushes
3 birds stuffed
2 Value Crackers and Some baubles and an artificial tree

On the 9th day of Christmas my true love sent to me
9 Turkeys Gobbling
8 KY Jellies
7 poopers partying
6 loads of washing
5 Noisy Kids (grandchildren)
4 hot flushes
3 birds stuffed
2 Value Crackers and Some baubles and an artificial tree

On the 10th day of Christmas my true love sent to me
10 Pies a mincing
9 Turkeys Gobbling
8 KY Jellies
7 poopers partying
6 loads of washing
5 Noisy Kids (grandchildren)
4 hot flushes
3 birds stuffed
2 Value Crackers and Some baubles and an artificial tree

On the 11th day of Christmas my true love sent to me
11 Laptops surfing
10 Pies a mincing
9 Turkeys Gobbling
8 KY Jellies
7 poopers partying
6 loads of washing
5 Noisy Kids (grandchildren)
4 hot flushes
3 birds stuffed
2 Value Crackers and Some baubles and an artificial tree

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love sent to me
12 empty bottles
11 Laptops surfing
10 Pies a mincing
9 Turkeys Gobbling
8 KY Jellies
7 poopers partying
6 loads of washing
5 Noisy Kids (grandchildren)
4 hot flushes
3 birds stuffed
2 Value Crackers and Some baubles and an artificial tree

Christmas…a time of love and peace……not in my house! Mayhem all the way, I am knackered and I wouldn’t have it any other way!!! Happy New Year! ….Granny

I remember it well, Sunday night listening to the chart show on the radio, Mam combing lumps out of my long red hair looking for nits. Eating the left-overs from Sunday lunch for supper and watching my Dad making his sandwiches for the early shift down the pit. They looked old to me then, even though they were both not yet 30! My Dad unfortunately died at the age of 52, so he never actually got to be old…my Mother is now 74 years young and apart from some aches and pains she is doing well and still looks pretty good for a wrinkly! The drudgery that caused premature old age is now thankfully long gone for most of us.

So what should we do with the extra time we now apparently have because we are all living longer? Should we calm down and relax into our dotage, do a bit of knitting maybe or join a senior citizens group and go to tea dances, (perish the thought)? Or should we plan for more exciting times when we finally finish work at 67 or there about?

When I got to 40, which is where life is supposed to begin, I decided that I was going to do something each year that I had always wanted to do…the first thing was to get a tattoo. So I did, I’m not sure that my children approved but if they didn’t, they never said it out loud. I started dying my hair all manner of colours and I still do. At the moment it is copper with, blonde, orange and purple bits and I have no intention to ever go back to boring blonde highlights. This though, is where my intended brave new world stopped and now my friends, it needs a kick start again.

Working on the ‘life begins at 40 theory’ I am now 13, so really I should be an antagonistic, spot squeezing grumpy teenager. I should be playing on any one of my electronic gadgets, texting constantly even when it’s not allowed (e.g. in lessons), lying in bed until 3pm at weekends and giving my parents ‘lip’ about anything and everything. Oh and getting drunk in the park after persuading some adult to get me some booze from the local supermarket.

By the time I reach 60, I should be acting like a 20 year old. So I think I will book myself a club 18-30 holiday, start drinking shots after every glass of wine, dress in a pelmet, vest top and 6 inch heels in the middle of winter and vomit on a pavement, after leaving the Pub and missing my taxi home.

Following this, I will get myself arrested for flashing my boobs to every Policeman in the vicinity. I would then put the pictures on Facebook and have my so-called friends (some of which I won’t even know) embarrass me by tagging me in their pictures with my tongue down the throat of the bouncer (sound familiar)?

After thinking long and hard about the growing old thing, I have decided I would not want to be a teenager or a 20 year old again but as for being over the hill…I’m not even half way up. There is so much more I want to do, so pass my iPad, I must log in to Twitter find out what’s going down in the world. I will then text my friends and update my Facebook profile…there’s life in the old dog yet. I could be the next born again Screenager! …………………Granny

The feel good factor is a wonderful thing but how do we put ourselves in the position where we are in the feel good zone for the majority of the time?

Positive thinking is a powerful tool and acquiring a mental attitude that admits into the mind good thoughts, words and images can be conducive to happiness and success. A positive mind breeds joy, health and an ability to find the good in almost every bad situation.

Not everyone believes in positive thinking. Some say it is nonsense, and laugh at people who believe and accept it. I for one know that when I surround myself with positive thinking people it has an uplifting effect on me and can definitely affect my mood and that in turn has a knock on effect with others around me. I will do all I can to bring people to my way of thinking.

There are three kinds of people in the world, the wills, the will not’s and the can not’s. The first accomplish everything; the second oppose everything; the third fail in everything.”Eclectic Magazine (Author Unknown)

We should all try harder to look for the lessons in every situation. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself when things don’t go your way, do what you can to make the best of it. You can learn to avoid making the same mistakes and by doing so, be the better for it.

I am fortunate that my personality seems to automatically go for the positive and I am definitely a glass half full person. I am also drawn to positive people and negative people don’t really exist in my world in any big way. I am also lucky that I work with motivated, inspirational people for the most-part and although my job is challenging, sometimes difficult the positives certainly outweigh the negatives.

All in all I think the majority of people are mostly happy go lucky but some people are just happy being miserable…..now there’s a contradiction ……Granny