GrannyRant

Good morning, Granny calling……I am having one of those days, you know, the sort of day that starts out wrong. When you try to put the lid of the teapot on the kettle by mistake (and it falls in) and squirt hairspray under you arms instead of anti-perspirant. I loaded the washing machine put the powder in the wrong hole…you know what I mean, it’s not looking good…

It started when the first piece of toast jumped out of the toaster, white but dry, not even golden, more like stale bread than toast. I tried to butter it, tripped over the cat and yes..You guessed it the toast landed butter side down, with me swearing and the cat squawking because I had stepped on her toes. Valerie, my cat, was not having a good morning either. Having said that, she had slept well, on the corner of my bed, meaning that I had to sleep diagonally across the bed, which is probably why I’m now knackered and stroppy!

By the time I got the toast, I was running late, I had to drop my significant other off to the garage to drop his car off for servicing and then take him on to his workplace, which is 10 miles out of my way, so already I was all behind like a cows tail, the day is going downhill at a rate of knots!

At work, I parked my car in its usual spot, jumped out quickly in a shower, got my bag caught in the seatbelt and the contents proceeded to roll down the car park, lipstick, pens, plums and assorted furry sweets that have been lost in the bottom of my bag for eons. As I scrambled to pick them up, a very hospitable magpie deposited the remains of his breakfast all over the roof of my little car and half way down the windscreen. This was not just any old birdsh*t, this was Magpie Birdsh*t and boy was it ever sticky! OMG where will it end and it’s only ten past eight! I got some screenies and tried to wipe it off but it was like gravy browning, the more I rubbed the further it spread. I decided to let the rain do the job for me.

The rain, that’s another thing. My hair is now stuck to my head, the mousse that I applied when I washed it last night has turned to slime and I already know that when it dries, it will be rock hard and my hair will look like one of those plastic Elvis Heads you see at the seaside.

It is now 10.23am and I am having a tea break, but already I have jammed the photocopier, stapled my finger, stubbed my toe and broken my favourite mug…oh and I can’t remember if I switched the washing machine on, so the laundry is probably vegetating in the machine doing nothing….happy days!

Granny

Today, I am back on the weightwatchers’ plan after my holiday. I’m glad to say that during my holiday (all 4 weeks of it) I only gained 6lbs….RESULT! Eating pancakes for breakfast, drinking far too much delicious beer and wine, barbecues galore and still, only 6lbs!

Right, that’s the positive side of things. On the other hand, it just goes to prove, that 9as a yo-yo dieter all my adult life), I only have to stop eating healthily for 4 weeks to gain that amount of weight. So, if I retired and didn’t have to work, I would be on permanent holiday and therefore would be heavier than ever! Perish the thought.

To try and re-educate myself into healthy eating again, I am now eating cereal for breakfast, weighing very morsel, eating salad for lunch (with copious amounts of salt) and writing everything down. I am even counting glasses of water. I know this works for me as I lost 33lbs before my holiday but it is so difficult to get back to it and motivate myself to eat sensibly.

Anyone who has ever tried to lose weight will relate to that feeling, when you’ve lost enough weight for people to start noticing and telling you how good you look. I have been at that stage for months. The trouble is when you’ve gained 6lbs; no-one then says “oh, I see you started to gain again”! Well, they would be too polite…wouldn’t they, but that’s what I need now, to stop me getting a false sense of security and thinking, that I’m ok as I am, when I’m still at least 3 stone from the ‘healthy range’ and still classed as obese!

So, if you see me in the street, or if you want to say something on my Facebook Wall or on twitter, here are some suggestions of what to say;

• A moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips
• You are what you eat so watch what you eat
• Eating all your dinner does not help starving Africans
• Checking your portion size is not a sexual act
• Eating until you’re full does not mean, eat until you’re so full you throw up

I thank you in anticipation of your help, in my quest to be healthy and turning my body into a temple…..Granny!

Granny calling….I woke this morning with a tongue like Ghandi’s flip flop! It was 10.00am and aunty was already pootling about in the kitchen, water, water, I need water! Martin was still snoring and Uncle wasn’t up yet either, we went to bed as the birds started singing, it could be a slow and easy morning of recovery I think. Aunty and I chatted on the deck and I came to life slowly.

Once everyone was up, we ate breakfast of vanilla yogurt, blueberries and toast with butter. Lots of tea and coffee flowed and we all felt a bit better. Aunty was sensible and had ‘left us to it’ with the vodka, therefore she was in much better shape than the rest of us. Kate was still in bed when we left for our visit to ‘The Western Development Museum’ a museum dedicated to the development of Saskatchewan from around 1910 and it holds lots of old farming equipment, cars and buildings set up as they were back in the day. They employ a lot of Senior Citizens who tell you all about how life was in the early years of Saskatchewan’s history and it was very interesting. We got loads of pictures including one of us sat at the Railway station in ‘Bootleg’ I wonder where that name came from?

Afterwards we went for our first fix of Tim Horton’s coffee and headed off to the ‘Taste of Saskatchewan Event in the grounds behind the “Bessborough Hotel in Saskatoon. There a stalls from all the local restaurants and you buy tokens to sample the food, we had Pad Thai with chicken (veggie version for Martin), this consists on egg noodles, fried with bamboo shoots and bean sprouts, onions and chicken and topped with peanuts. We also had some ribs and topped it off with ‘Berry Barn’ Saskatoon Berry tart, pancakes and whipped cream. So much food, we failed to eat it all, we were all stuffed!

There was a live band playing a, called ‘September Long’ Kate knew the lead singer from high School and they were great, I will be watching out for an album which they promise is coming soon. We went to see the ‘Ultimate Man shed’ you could buy tickets to win it, what a shed! Inside there was a sauna, 3 TV’s DVD player, shower, bed, beer fridge, oven, dishwasher and a whole pile of tools that went with it, the only thing missing was a woman, I wonder why? It was huge and we all said we wouldn’t be able to fit it in our Garden’s. The atmosphere was lively and happy and we met some friends of Aunty and Uncle’s all nice people who wished us a happy holiday. There was one guy who was slightly odd though, he was called Wes, and wore huge biker boots, a bandana and looked like a throw back to 60’s USA. Nice guy but a bit of a fruit loop I think. Uncle is convinced that since he stopped boozing, he has gone a bit crazy!

From the Taste of Saskatchewan, we went to Kinsmen Park to watch Katy play ball, she played really well and hit a great strike that created a home run, threw a ball in that got a girl knocked of home base and did a great slide into 3rd base which resulted in grazed elbows and mud all over the front of her shirt, more washing for Aunty. It was great to watch, we plastered ourselves with Mozzie cream and weren’t bitten and Kate’s team won 7-5, a great time was had by all.

Back home, we ate toasted cheese and onion sandwiches, crisps and raw vegetables and dip. Drank lots of tea and water (we didn’t need any alcohol we were still recovering) and went to bed by 11.15 absolutely pooped!

Another great day, to be continued….Granny

Granny calling….I am a day or so behind, we have been busy, busy, busy and yesterday I decided I would type up the blog as we were driving to MooseJaw only to find that the netbook batteries were flat and we had no way of charging them up in the van. So first, to take you all back to Sunday.

We had some rain in the night and the deck was quite wet in the morning, the sun was hot though, so the water soon burned away. One by one everyone got up, slowly, after the huge supper and beer etc we all consumed at Joan and Henry’s. Katy had already left for work at Smitty’s restaurant so we had a lazy breakfast. Aunty and me discussed what we needed to buy at the store for supper and Martin and Uncle chatted about the previous night, we had great fun and ‘the boys’ (Henry and Dave) had promised to come round and help Uncle to get rid of a dead tree at the side of the house. It was 11am though and no sign of a phone call yet? I wonder what time they stayed around the fire pit until. This may have a bearing on whether or not they turned up, if they turned up at all. Sure enough at noon, there they were, the tools were out and Dave was up the ladder sawing away like a lumberjack! Henry, Uncle and Martin, holding the ladder, taking bit of wood to the truck (Henry will use the wood for the fire pit) and generally all mucking in to get the job done. It’s nice to see that Aunty and Uncle have such great friends and these people are always ready to help out if needed. Aunty and me pulled some weeds out of the flower beds and swept around a bit and before we knew, the tree was gone and the boys were all out the back on the deck drinking cold beer, which Dave had brought in a cool bag.

Aunty and I headed for the store and left them to it, we had guests coming for supper and needed pork chops, potatoes and salad etc. First stop Robertson’s Farm shop, we bought Garden Potatoes, Salad Onions and Baby cucumbers and sat and ate ice cream under the porch until a few too many Mozzies started to gather, a quick exit was called for and we got back in the car to head for the Store, on the way we passed Joan’s House and ‘the boys’ were still there, probably drinking more beer and unloading the wood into Henry’s yard. At the store, we looked for aunties sister, who works there but we couldn’t fine her, so we got the groceries and headed home. When we got there, Helen and Bill, (aunties Mother and her boyfriend) were already waiting, these two are amazing, they’re both 87 years old, still driving and they go dancing at The Legion, whenever they can. They decided as we were later than they expected, to go off dancing for a couple of hours while they waited for supper at around 7pm.

Tom arrived and had a beer on the deck and shortly after Gail (Aunties sister) with Wilbur the Pug; he was a lovely little dog with a great personality. We barbecued the chops, Grandma (Helen) had brought Perogies and Gail had brought ‘Drumstick Cake. Katy and Tom decided to prepare the rainbow Trout and there was much discussion about how to chop off his head’ Grandma knew how to do it and showed them how not to waste the fish. It was stuffed with onion, tomatoes and lemon salt, wrapped in foil and put on the barbecue. It was a feast and we were all suitably stuffed afterwards…by the way, I don’t usually eat desert, but Gail’s Drumstick Cake is to die for!’ she also makes great chocolate chip cookies, good job I don’t see Gail too often, I would not be able to resist!

After a couple of hours on the deck, we couldn’t stick to bugs any more and finished off the evening in the house, we are always going to get an early night, but it hasn’t happened yet! Holidays are great….

Monday morning, we got up earlier than we have been getting up and the plan was to leave for MooseJaw by 10, Katy had to take her car seat to the Garage to get a hole in the upholstery fixed and we got our stuff together to go the see the MooseJaw tunnels. We all piled in the van and I took up my usual perch in the back, I like this seat, I get a panoramic view, room to stretch out and I can snooze without bothering anyone else. It will take 2 hours to get there and we are going to meet Shannon at Smitty’s for lunch. Katy then joined Shannon and we all drove into town to go and visit the tunnels where Al Capone is alleged to have carried out his bootlegging and laid low when he was on the run from the law. We bought tickets for both tours; the second tour was an insight into the life of Chinese Immigrants brought to Canada to work on the railroad. In tour one, we were all bootleggers and actors took us around the tunnels and described how money changed hands, how during prohibition the booze was bought and sold on the black market and how 97% alcohol could kill you and that al Capone once had his tonsils lanced using half a bottle of bootleg whisky as an anaesthetic! The actors were great; Aunty was nicknamed Gidget for the tour and was put in charge of the ‘hush money’! We laughed all through it, it was great fun.

The second tour was led by a lovely lady called Ashley and was set in a Chinese Laundry owned by ‘Mr Burrows’. It was acted out by Ashley and she narrated the story as well as changing voice to the stern lady who dealt with us ‘coolies’, these people earned 35cents a day and paid half of it back to the owners in rent. Life was tough and a lot of people got hooked on opium to escape the misery. It was really informative, totally different from the first tour and really well done.

We got ice cream, Tim Horton’s Coffee, met up with Katy, who couldn’t get a haircut, said Bye to Shannon and Uncle drove us the 2 hours back to Saskatoon. The evening was lazy, we mooched around the kitchen, I trimmed Katy’s hair and at 11.15 it looked like we were having that early night. I said I’m having vodka and tonic before bed, Uncle said I think I’ll join you…OMG, 2 bottles of vodka (50 proof vodka) later and at 04.40 am we went to bed just as the sun came up…the night was a blur, but we laughed, we sang, we drank some more and I have videos and pictures to incriminate everyone at a later date, but not for public viewing so I may have to be choosy what I post! Another fantastic day….even if I am a tad hung-over….to be continued….Granny 

Granny calling….getting out of bed later every day, could it be due to the fact that we were late to bed again? Yesterday went by in a flash, as does every day and by the time we had sat on the deck for the morning, shopped for ‘stuff’ to take to Joan and Henry’s for supper, it was time to shower and get out of the house!

During the day we mooched around, it was quite hot and I got burned on the deck, my arms look like striped tomatoes, red, white and freckles in between. Martin has been eaten by the mozzies and we are trying new lotions and potions all the time to try and fight the bleeder off! Aunty and I have been to Body Shop and found some Satsuma Body Butter that is supposed to deter them but I think they like it!

We left for Henry and Joan’s house at around 5.30 loaded with beer, vodka and tonic in ice boxes. We also had a box with Katy’s macaroni salad (she made a veggie version for Martin), chicken wings, Caesar salad, veggie sausage and burgers and huge prawns. The boot of the van was chokka block!

Joan’s yard, is her pride and joy and it’s really pretty. She has lots of flowers, solar light everywhere and some of these lights change colour I think Uncle may be getting some of those, he has to ‘keep up with the Jones’! Hanging on the shed is a bird box and pair of sparrows is flying back and forth dutifully feeding their chicks. Joan is also growing tomatoes, peppers and corn and the grass is cut to perfection. Lot’s of talking and banter and more talk of Corrie with Henry as the beer and V&T flowed. Dave arrived and joined us at the table and then Joan got home from work to complete the party. Fire up the Barbecue and wait for supper.

The food was fabulous, the salad, the chicken, more beer and more vodka and tonic. The ‘boys’ go outside for a smoke and light the fire pit. It was difficult at first but once it was going and we all sat around the fire laughing and telling stories, it was great. Katy disappeared quite early as she said in her best ‘Australian Accent’ I’m tai-ud (that’s the best way I can write it as she says it) and she slept on the couch until we were ready to leave. We must have got home about 1ish, but I can’t swear to that having drunk way to much V&T, we ate pretzels and talked for ages and Uncle checked out the golf on ‘Sports desk’ I can’t remember going to bed, but I slept like a log! Another fabulous day full of lovely memories and really great people……..to be continued …Granny 

According to The Guardian teachers will get tougher powers to deal with unruly pupils in a “zero tolerance” crackdown on nuisance in the classroom……..

Staff will be given powers to search children for mobile phones, music players, pornography, fireworks and cigarettes, extending existing powers that allow teachers to search pupils for knives.

Well, it’s about time some of the power was given back to teachers/lecturers, I know from experience the absolute terror of dealing with an angry teenager, who could threaten others in the group as well as yourself and then suddenly thinking, if I touch this person, I will lose my job!

As a new lecturer (around 10 years ago) my first experience of teaching a group, was with 15 level 1 hairdressing students. A nice group, 13 girls, 2 boys all aged between 16 and 19 years. I wanted to stamp my authority, while being fair, approachable and fun during the session. All was going swimmingly until I asked one grumpy looking student to stop using her mobile phone to text while she should have been practicing her cutting skills on a block (practice head). The conversation went along the lines of me saying, “you know it’s against class rules to use your phone during lessons, please put it away”. Her saying, ” who the F*CK do you think you are, I am 16 years old and you can’t tell me what to do!” Before I knew it she was holding a scissors 4 inches from my face and from the look on her face, she would stick it in my eyes at any moment! They didn’t prepare me for this during my PGCE course. I managed to calm her down and another student took the scissors out of her hand, but I was physically shaken and the girl was subsequently disciplined and expelled from the course.

My point in all this is that at the critical moment my actions could have been instictively to man-handle this obnoxious little she-devil and get her out of the training salon and what would have been the consequences then? There could have been an investigation, which may have resulted in me losing my first ever teaching post and who knows what else as a result?

After 10 years of working in FE, I have seen my fair share of angry teenagers and indeed adults and I have usually managed to placate the person and calm the situation down but the threat is ever present when teaching large numbers of people who are frequently using ‘cut throat’ razors and scissors. At 16 plus, very rarely are parents involved and on the odd occasion that they are, they will defend their offspring vociferously, while never once ticking them off for their behaviour. The attitude of far too many parents, is that they put up with this stroppy teenager and if you are prepared to teach him/her then you have to deal with it too.

Thankfully the majority of teenagers are absolutely fine. They are imaginative, motivated, polite and while having their moments, they usually realise themselves that you reap what you sow in this life and that respect is reciprocal. Those are the people that teachers/lecturers enjoy working with. The satisfaction you get from working with people like this cannot be under-estimated.

Unruly students/pupils who are a threat to the learning experience of others should not be tolerated and parents should support facilitators in their quest to turn their children into well adjusted, employable young adults. As Spiderman once said, “with power comes responsibility”, I would argue that with responsibility, you should also have power!”

Granny calling,

Five days to go and I’m still not organised. I have ordered dollars,
I have finished all the washing and ironing and I am struggling to stay focussed at work due to the fact that I have so much to do and so little time to do it in. Hectic is a good description of how this week has started.

Blogging is also going to be difficult as I struggle to juggle life, travel plans and meeting deadlines for the end of this academic year. I have decided that little and as often as possible has to suffice.

If anyone has any tips for travelling let me know……Granny

Picture this, it’s someone’s birthday and you have to buy a really special card. You haven’t seen this person all year and you really want to push the boat out and post a card of distinction, not just any old card, but a £4.99 card with a lovely verse, you know the ones that are a bit like a small novel when you read them.

You pop out in your lunch break and forego eating your sandwich because it’s so important to send this card to your best friend in all the world. You take care choosing it, you read every syllable to make sure that it says exactly what you want it to say. You decide on the right one and take it to the checkout, you take care to keep it flat and ensure that you get back to the office with it in pristene condition and think about what to write on it.

Before you can write on it, you have to get it out of the bag and believe me this is not going to be easy! First you hold it up to the light to see where the little pull tag is on the plastic, you scratch a couple of areas that look likely to no avail. Calm down now don’t get into a fluster (you say this under your breath). You then realise that there is a sticky bit which opens like an envelope…phew, you breathe a sigh of relief, it’s going to be easy now, you can relax…..Or can you ?

You finally get this object of beauty out of the bag and sit back and admire it. It really was a good choice, she will love this card and I know she will appreciate the really gushy sentiment because she’s my best friend and we have been through a lot together. then…out of the corner of your eye you spot it (queue ‘JAWS’ theme music) the dreaded sticker, Oh No! It’s right over the top of the only bit of glitter on the card, if you rip it off it will take that glitter off with it. Breathe, ….that’s it.. inhale deeply, it should be easy, it says ‘peel here’ how difficult can it be?

You try to get the edge of your finger nail under the corner, no joy, so you get your staple remover gadget and try to get the pointy bit under it, it’s not happening. You ask 3 of your colleagues, one of who thinks she is the Goddess of sticker removers and you watch as she bends and twists your beautiful £4.99′s worth until it resembles a discarded newspaper from a litter bin.

Finally, you manage to lift the corner of the damn thing and you peel it very carefully until it’s off, never daring to breathe until the whole of the sticker is detached from the card and …yes….you guessed, all of the glitter and the little yellow bow, is attached to the sticker. By now the air is blue, you have to spend another £4.99 on a new card and it would be cheaper and far less stressful to just give her a ring and say happy birthday….so to all the ‘card sellers’ out there, stick your stickers up your proverbial A***………………….

Imagine this, you wake up one morning and you are suddenly a ‘teenager’. You are no longer 12 but 13! When you went to bed last night, you were treated like a child. You woke up this morning and you are expected to behave like an adult…overnight! Oh, but you must still listen to what adults say, you still can’t make any decisions, you still have to put up with rules and regulations, except now you are expected to think like an adult and act like an adult, even tough you are still treated by your parent, as a child? Confused, well I know I was at this period in my life?

In their teens, kids experience a growth spurt that causes all sorts of problems, e.g. my son went from a size 4 shoe to a size 11 in 3 months, causing a financial headache as we struggled to afford new shoes every 3 weeks or so and his trousers always seemed to be a half mast. Some boys can grow by as much as 9cm a year and girls at a rate of 8cm a year. Is it any wonder that teenagers are awkward or clumsy and self-concious at this time? They don’t know from one day to the next what will fit them. Another problem is that as a teenager, your brain doesn’t seem to keep up with this growth spurt and hormones rage through your body causing all sorts of mood swings and attitude issues.

As a 15 year old I caused my parents all sorts of problems but the problems started much earlier. At 13 I was a nightmare to live with and can vividly remember screaming obcenities at my mother because she wouldn’t let me wear makeup to the school party! It seems trivial now but at that time it was a matter of life or death that I looked older than my years and it was for this very reason that I took up smoking! Rebellion was high on my agenda! My hair was down my back and was my Father’s pride and joy, so I got off the school bus and had it shaved off and bleached! I bought 18 lace-hole Doc Martin’s, stay pressed trousers and a Ben Sherman check shirt and became the first Skin-head in the village. My Mother almost fainted when she saw it and I got a clip round the ear and was grounded for a month until it grew back (my hair has been short ever since). Rebellion is nothing new as this was 1973!

My point in all this is that teenagers have always been the same and puberty has always been a problem so why do the vast majority of people over the age of 35 seem to have a huge problem with them? they are just the next generation of ‘Teddy boys’, ‘Mods’ and ‘ rockers’, aren’t they?

I am lucky I work with teenagers on a daily basis and I think for the mostpart I understand them but when I don’t I accept that they don’t understand themselves yet. At this moment in their lives, they are working hard internally and externally, on trying to ‘morph’ into the kind of adults that adults find acceptable and that’s a huge ask! If they make mistakes, often they are not allowed to forget and move on, anyone who ever made a mistake, (and I made loads), will remember this feeling of despair as your family heap on the disappointment and guilt, is it any wonder that they become disillusioned with adults?

So next time you feel like giving your teenagers a hard time, remember that not so long ago, you were the teenager and while these young adults should be guided and advised, a little bit of mutual respect will go a long way. Treat your teenagers well, they will one day choose your nursing home! Now that is a scary thought……..

So what is it that people hate about swearing, after all, you can say all manner of words, but if you use them in a certain way, they can be described as offensive. These are the type of things I hear people say regarding swearing. It reduces respect people have for you, It shows you don’t have control, It’s a sign of a bad attitude, It discloses a lack of character,It’s immature, It reflects ignorance…..I have to say, I disagree for the most part. I am very much of the ‘school of thought’ that says all words are just that, words, and as long as they are used in context, then so be it. The only time I have a problem, is when words are used in a derogitory way, or in an aggressive manner!

I am old enough to remember my own Grandmother asking God to forgive her for using the word ‘Damn’ and woe betide her if she ever said , bloddy or bugger and I suppose they were the ‘F’ words of post WW1 Britain. Surely then the natural evolution of language, the media and the influx of migrants have led to a dilution of the English language and far more tolerence to improper English, dialects and swear words etc. These days expletives are all over the TV and increasingly swear words are being heard before the 9 0 clock watershed. So does it signify ignorance, lack of vocabulary or disrespect?

Oscar Wilde once said

With swearing, context is everything

I have to say, I agree; the one thing I cannot stand is to hear someone, no matter what age, swearing every other word and using swear words as part of every day language. I believe there is a time and place and in general most people respect this in that they don’t swear constantly at work in an office, they would not usually swear in Church or in front of parents and children, though they would swear socially with long standing friends or peer groups and also if they worked outside e.g. on a building site.

“Global changes have made a huge difference, with language barriers being overcome by finding common words that can be understood by diverse culture groups this is obvious if you listen to Rap music, and street talk amongst different groups. I think in some cases, the swear words are dumbing down slightly, for instance,you are far more likely to hear the word ‘crap’ as opposed to’shit’ and ‘shag’ as opposed to ‘fuck’, and so on. then there is every woman’s nightmare…the dreaded C*nt word! Why can’t I even bring myself to write it down in full, I hate the word, although I occasionally use all of the others. I honestly think it’s instilled in me that it’s so bad, that I may go to Hell in a handcart with my Granny who said ‘Damn’!

One thing is for sure though, I never use swear words in an offensive or aggressive way, I am far less likely to swear during an argument than I am while telling a joke, or laughing with friends. I am more likely to use swear words in a jovial way, therefore it is never meant as an expression of anger or disgust.

So if I swear at you on Twitter, Facebook, GrannyRant or any where else for that matter, it will mean that you are in the circle of people with whom I feel comfortable to do so. I chose you as a friend and to any one else who takes offence, they really don’t know me and I couldn’t give a flying fuck!….Now, Where’s that hand-cart??